Growing squash in straw bales. Nurturing plants from seed. Testing out a new climbing route. Biking with no hands. Cooking with new ingredients. Playing with the settings on my camera. A homestay student. A power drill. An unfamiliar recipe. A yellowed, crinkled, old sewing pattern.

With new things often come unknowns. The possibility of failure, wasted time, doing something wrong. Putting yourself out there can be scary, but it can also be exciting. I’ve been trying to focus on the excitement of new things, to be grateful for those moments when things just work out. Less worry, less disappointment.

It’s not that I have overcome my fears, but somewhere along the way, I’ve let go just enough to feel the fear turn to excitement. I am excited to see what happens next, to see how I react when things fall apart, to explore the ways I can do things differently.

I struggled with this for many years, and often still do. The need to know what’s going to happen next, a fear of failure and the unknown, and a desire to be in control. It’s been a journey, for sure, but I have started to see my life for the experiment that it is. And it’s been much more fun that way. You never know how an experiment is going to turn out, and once you have your results you can plan the next experiment accordingly. Adjusting for errors, discrepancies, uncertainty. Then adjusting again, and again.

This blog is a major ongoing experiment for me. Sometimes I still don’t believe that it’s really happening, that I’m posting recipes and writing on the internet, sometimes even letting on personal details. But I’m continually drawn back to it, and there is something about it that is deeply fulfilling, intimate even. It’s an endless exercise in letting go of expectations, and a constant practice of trying new things.

That is what I am loving so much about the Food Matters Project. Every week a new recipe to try and a fantastic community of people attempting the same thing. Tapping into wells of creativity. Sharing new ideas and helpful tips. Motivating me to continue, inspiring me to want to inspire others.

This week it was Tea sandwiches on the menu. And I, only ever moderately excited by a sandwich, was determined to create one (or three) worthy of drooling over.

The only tea sandwich I could think of was cucumber and butter (or cream cheese). Not my thing, but that’s fine – time to experiment, adjust, and adjust some more. One of the recipes in the book is for a radish and walnut sandwich – two things I like and also happened to have in the fridge. A sandwich idea I can work with.

As always, I wanted to use the local, seasonal produce we received in exchange for working at the Farmer’s Market – a giant bag of basil, a bunch of radishes, beets, greens, zucchini, mushrooms, and fig jam. I had also picked up a cranberry loaf (named “the sweetheart”) at the market that would go nicely with either savoury or sweet fillings.

First, I made a beet salad sandwich. I took everything that I normally put in my beet salads – beets (uncooked this time), goat cheese, greens, and candied pecans – and made it into a sandwich. I pulsed the pecans in the food processor with a drizzle of maple syrup, sprinkled the mixture onto the goat cheese, and piled on some beets and greens.

It was important for me to make a couple sandwich options without dairy for those following a vegan diet, or just looking for a dairy-free sandwich option, so Reid grilled some zucchini and portobello mushrooms and I threw together a quick vegan sundried tomato and basil pesto to spread on our second sandwich.

The final one was a sweet sandwich option. We had some delightfully sweet fig jam that we spread on the last sandwich, layered with sliced radishes, apples, and topped with caramelized onions. It was probably my sweet tooth, but this one was my favourite!

You can check out the original recipes at Aura’s site, and the other Food Matter Project submissions here.

UPDATED TEA SANDWICHES
amounts are for 1 sandwich. Toast your bread first if you like, enjoy it open-faced if it pleases you, and use any leftovers for a spectacular salad – also, each of these salads would be great with arugula, pea shoots, or sprouts lovingly tossed in.

BEET SALAD SANDWICH
2 tiny beets (or 1 small beet), thinly sliced
1 tbsp goat cheese, I used herb and garlic
2 tbsp pecans (6 or 7), pulsed in food processor with maple syrup until chunky
1 tsp maple syrup
small handful of greens of choice (I used smooth, creamy, red butter lettuce)

Spread the goat cheese on one piece of bread, top it with the pecan mixture, stack the beets and greens. Devour.

GRILLED VEGETABLE SANDWICH WITH SUNDRIED TOMATO AND BASIL PESTO
1 small zucchini, sliced lengthwise and grilled
1 small portobello mushroom, grilled and sliced
3 cloves garlic
8 sundried tomatoes, packed in oil
3/4 cup fresh basil
1/4 olive oil
1/4 cup walnuts
1/4 cup water (or less, depending on the consistency you like)

Mix the garlic, sundried tomatoes, basil, oil, and walnuts in a food processor until smooth-ish, but still a little chunky. Add in the water, little by little and pulsing between additions, until smooth, or the desired consistency.

Spread the pesto on one piece of bread and stack the veggies on top. Top with a second piece of bread and enjoy!

RADISH, APPLE, AND CARAMELIZED ONION SANDWICH WITH FIG JAM
1/2 onion, sliced
1/2 apple, thinly sliced
2 small radishes, thinly sliced
1 tbsp fig jam

Saute the onions in coconut oil at a medium-low heat for 15 minutes, or until tender and browned. Spread the fig jam on one piece of bread and layer the radishes and apples on top. Scoop the onions on, top with the other slice of bread and dig in!