Growing squash in straw bales. Nurturing plants from seed. Testing out a new climbing route. Biking with no hands. Cooking with new ingredients. Playing with the settings on my camera. A homestay student. A power drill. An unfamiliar recipe. A yellowed, crinkled, old sewing pattern.
With new things often come unknowns. The possibility of failure, wasted time, doing something wrong. Putting yourself out there can be scary, but it can also be exciting. I’ve been trying to focus on the excitement of new things, to be grateful for those moments when things just work out. Less worry, less disappointment.
It’s not that I have overcome my fears, but somewhere along the way, I’ve let go just enough to feel the fear turn to excitement. I am excited to see what happens next, to see how I react when things fall apart, to explore the ways I can do things differently.
I struggled with this for many years, and often still do. The need to know what’s going to happen next, a fear of failure and the unknown, and a desire to be in control. It’s been a journey, for sure, but I have started to see my life for the experiment that it is. And it’s been much more fun that way. You never know how an experiment is going to turn out, and once you have your results you can plan the next experiment accordingly. Adjusting for errors, discrepancies, uncertainty. Then adjusting again, and again.
This blog is a major ongoing experiment for me. Sometimes I still don’t believe that it’s really happening, that I’m posting recipes and writing on the internet, sometimes even letting on personal details. But I’m continually drawn back to it, and there is something about it that is deeply fulfilling, intimate even. It’s an endless exercise in letting go of expectations, and a constant practice of trying new things.
That is what I am loving so much about the Food Matters Project. Every week a new recipe to try and a fantastic community of people attempting the same thing. Tapping into wells of creativity. Sharing new ideas and helpful tips. Motivating me to continue, inspiring me to want to inspire others.